I am realizing what everyone is going through with friends and all, and it makes me sad... I understand where everyone is coming from with their reasoning and whatnot. It just hurts my heart to see people happy that they finally got their feelings out, but the other person is hurting so bad because of it... I want to say something so badly, but I can't because the timing is off, or we're not alone, or I'm scared, or hell I don't know... It just makes me sad, and I'm about to burst, but I don't want to get everyone all slimy and icky...
On the bright side, it's a lovely day, and I want to go frolick in the sunshine, and be happy while the sun warms my skin... I want the breeze to blow away all of everyone's problems. So everybody would be happy, and they would be in the mood to frolick with me...
I hate the TAKS test... Whoever made the revisions to the TAAS, and made it into the TAKS should be shot.... Oh I know who that is, but am abstaining from comment so I don't offend anyone. Oh well... But the TAKS is no fun. Being cooped up in a room for all of the morning for three days is not my cup of tea. I shouldn't have to take a test to prove that I am a "good" student. Why do we even take standardized tests??? What is the point? We're being measured to a standard?!? Okay, newsflash, there's no such thing as normal or a standard so all the makers and graders of the TAKS can go home and spend their time frolicking in the sun, and sipping pink lemonade... Mmmmm good idea...
I am off to frolick in the sun, smile, and sip pink lemonade!
I love you all dearly!~
Suzy

Hello Loves!
How art all of you??? I hope you are all doing well! Seeing as how it is a Monday, I am being dangerous(ish) and blogging. Because I know that all of you are really bored of my lack of new information. So here goes...
I'm extremely happy that the choir is back from Branson. All my friends(well most of them anyway) are all back in one piece or two...
Anywho, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been in Corpus Christi, and have been busy doing things that are really dumb(like going over to my grandmother's to watch TV, since we don't get the cool chanels. It's part of our Operation: More Family Time.) Anywho, I tried to blog yesterday, but my computer is dumb, and wouldn't let me post it. Damn you computer!
Okay, back to what's happened over the past two weeks:
1) Went to Corpus Christi and San Antonio for four days. It was so freakin awesome, except now I am feeling the reprocussions of not putting on enough sunscreen... I am peeling like a molting bird, and it's really gross... Anywho, the beach was gorgeous, and made me think of lots of things. I think the ocean has a real tendancy to do that, it just makes you look at your life, and see what you've accoplished. Anywho, everything was fabulosa except for the fact that Katy-lou got stung by a jellyfish, which is really funny but not(because she was the only one on the whole trip to get stung, but I know it really kinda hurt.) And also that Katy-lou got really pissed at April, for justifible reasons that shall not be named here. Anywho, I hung out with Alyson and Ellen that Friday, and it was sooo cool! They are cool kids, and they make me happy.... Plus, Jordan and Ellen are SO cute together! Anywho, I had mad fun, and re-bonded with Katy-lou cause our friendship was kinda falling apart, and we finally got to spend time together. YAY! My walks on the beach by myself gave me lotsa time to think about myself, and how much I love someone. Here's a marvelous quote by one of my friends that sums it all up, "You know when you're really close up to something, and everything's all blurry, but then you step away, and everything snaps back into focus." It was a lot like that... I really needed that time away from the one I love just to know that this is really real... And I think I understand the full magnitude of what I'm taking on... I love him very muchly, and the trip helped me realize that... But so did the liz, which brings me to #2...
2) I have talked to the liz quite a lot lately, and I love her dearly, and we need to do more things together... Anywho, she made me realize a lot of what is going on around me, and she just gave me confidence in all that I am doing right now. I've also been talking to Sukki a lot lately... I like talking to her just because I know that I can really really talk to her... About the real life stuff...And we haven't really talked in so long. It made me sad, so I just picked up the phone, and dialed her numero.... Anywho, I love the both of you very much, and if you ever need ANYTHING, even if it's so early in the morning that you think I won't be awake, I'll be there... That goes for everyone else too... Anywho, I just know that I can have real conversations with these two... They are awesome people who mean lots to me...
Anywho, today has been a bore except for we almost got killed coming back from lunch today. We took a dip at like 60, and Kate wasn't wearing a seatbelt... It was really funny though... It made us all laugh really hard... Anywho, I gotta go do important stuff so I will catch ya later!
**blows kisses**~
Suzy

Hello All!!!!
I have had quite a lovely Easter. We went shopping for Easter outfits yesterday, and went to see the Triplets of Belleville (which is an AWESOME movie, the animation is great.)
Today we went to church (which is a rare occurance until now.), and I love the new church that we have been going to. It is where I definately want to go... Lately, I've had a big urge to go to church. I don't know why either. I think it's just something I haven't done in a while that I want to pick back up. I didn't really feel judged either... I've been feeling that people are judging me a lot recently, and I don't like feeling that way. It's like I'm not good enough for everyone else, and that I must be better...
Anywho, I also went to see my great-grandparents today, and it actually wasn't bad. My grandmother only said one thing about what I was wearing, and it was that I looked cute... If you don't know my grandma, this is a big step up for her... She told me that she wanted me to see The Passion of the Christ with her. And frankly, I don't have any desire to see that movie for many reasons (which I will not get into now, maybe later though.) And the only thing I had to restrain myself on was that my grandmother quoted Dr. Phil (maybe it's a trend with grandmothers... maybe all of Dr.Phil's viewers are over the age of 50 because it seems like all of my grandmothers watch it... hmmmm....) There was much restrained laughter, and I eventually had to leave the room because I was turning red in the face...
And that's all folks, I have nothing more to say!
Love ya~
Suzy

Yo!
I have decided that I am going to write in pink for the rest of my blog entries, unless I can find the html coding to allow me more colors cause I lost the one that I used to have that had 9 billion colors on it... And I'm sure you want to know all of this.
Anywho, I have had a fairly pleasant week. Nothing life-altering has happened. Other than the fact that I am starting to come to grips with the real world lately... I mean I though I knew how everything was going with everyone, but apparently I didn't. I learned a LOT of things this week about the past six months(ish) of people's lives. That's what caused me to write what I did on my last post. I'm just afraid that I'm not being trusted... You know? I mean, I know that I don't have to know everything that goes on in everyone else's life, but I would at least like to know what's happening... I feel like I have been deserted, and that nobody really trusts me. I don't know maybe I am just imagining things, but I feel like no one tells me anything. And I know that everyone has a right to confidentiality, but I thought I was trusted more than that because it seems that I am always last to know EVERYTHING that goes on, and maybe I should just stay in my own business, and listen to what people decide to tell me, but I can't help feeling a little upset... I mean I love my friends, and I just want to know what's going on, and it's all stupid... Really really stupid... It's like we never escaped from middle school.... We never discarded the old ways of secret-keeping, and secret allies, and hurt feelings... And I'm tired of it... I really am. I'm tired of being last to know about what happens, and this has happened a lot lately, and I'm not saying that you have to tell me every single detail in your life, or anything for that matter... I'm just getting out how I feel... And I do love you all very dearly, and I care about every, single one of you, and that's never going to change... And if you EVER EVER need me then pick up the phone, and call me. No matter what time it is, I will answer.
Anyway, I must go... There's a storm a comin'!!!!!!!!! Gotta Go!
~Suzy

Hey!
I want all of my chums to know that I love them all very dearly, and that I am here if you ever need me... Even if it's three in the morning, just call me if you need my help.
I love you all~
Suzy

Hello!
So, last night we went over to my mom's friend Robyn's house, and I got interrogated. Not only by Robyn, but my mom, and Holly. They were mainly questioning me about Nathan, and if I know "what I'm getting into". So, here's the back-up story: My mom heard me say "I love you" to Nathan, and she "does not appreciate it." It made me very angry because A) Do they know how I feel? NO and B) They may be trying to give good advice, but I don't appreciate her asking me dumb questions. I was asked if I think that I really do love him, and if he's someone that I can "spend the rest of my life with." The answer to both of these questions is yes, and if they don't believe it, then they can deal with it...
Okay, I'll stop talking about Nathan... I'll talk about penguins, or maybe not. Because penguins aren't really good conversation topics. All they do is look snazzy, eat, and take care of their baby... A penguin leads a very boring life... That almost makes me wish that I were a penguin sometimes... Except I wouldn't appreciate the frigidness (word?) of the cold parts of the world they live in... Oh my gosh, I really got off on penguins didn't I? I'm very sorry! Please forgive me!
One last thing, and then I will end this senseless blog entry... We were finishing Don Quixote, Man of La Mancha (the movie) in Spanish on Friday, and I soooo did not like the ending... It was wrong, and I did not care for it. I won't give it away, but all of you who haven't seen it I'll tell you this, you're not missing much. It's a lot of bad singing, and not the best acting either. The songs are really catchy though, and they get stuck in your head. I was very dissapointed by the end... Maybe because I'm so used to the fairy-tale ending, and now that it's not there I'm dissapointed... Damn society for making me think that every movie is supposed to end happily!
Okay, I will stop writing... I think I'm not all too sane in the head department as of now... But sleep will fix!
I am off to nap (even though most of you are still in bed sleeping...)!
Love ya~
Suzy

Hola mis amigos!
I have decided a few things, and the list may grow, but as of now, this is what I am changing in my life:
1) I am going to seperate myself from poisonous relationships, I believe that one in particular is going to be increasingly hazardous to my health(and no I'm not talking about Nathan, I love him muchly still... Four months tomorrow! YAY!!!).
2) I am going to try really really hard to be really good friends again with all the gals from middle school. I love you all muchly, and I hope you know that. I am going to try to be there for you all. I am finally opening my eyes to what's going on, and I'm here now... Whenever you need me I'm here... Just know that... Okay?
3) I'm going to try harder. At everything, at being a good friend, at school, and in every other place that I may be lacking.
4) I am going to write on my blog more. I think it's really healthy for me because I think this is a safe place to put all my thoughts.
5) I'm going to stop being emotionally reclusive... I don't care if it's going to come back, and bite me in the ass, but I can't take having to hide it anymore. I hate keeping all that I'm feeling locked up inside because I think that people are going to be scared, and not like me. I have a big acceptance issue, and this goes hand in hand with that. I hate feeling so goddamn inferior. I hate it, and I'm going to try to change that too.
6) I'm not going to "front" anymore... I couldn't think of any other term to describe it... I can't put on the act of being okay anymore... I can't pretend that everything is okay, and I'm fine and dandy because I'm not, and no one else is. I put on that image I think because I don't want to let anyone in... They can't know my true self because if they do they'll either hurt me or hate me. And I'm sick of it... I flat out sick of it.
7) With winter gone, (thank the Lord God) I've been really emotionally drained... Winter is a bad time for everyone I think emotionally. At least for me it is. This winter I was just expected too much of I think. I was expected to be everything, and I couldn't, and I really beat myself up for it... I thought that I wasn't good enough, and that I was a terrible person... But I think it was because so much was demanded from me, and I gave and I gave and I gave, until the breaking point... Thank God nothing bad happened... I really really appreciate you for being there(and you know who you are) you have been my saving grace through all the shit I've been through this winter. I want to come back... I think I'm ready to be new and improved Savannah, because I think my emotions have recharged, and I'm ready and waiting to come back.
8) I have found that I have become increasingly bitter and sarcastic lately... I'm going to try to change this, but I don't know how that will turn out...
9) I'm going to try to get my parents into taking me to therapy... I really think that I need a therapist, but I don't think that I have depression per say.
And that's all that I can think of right now as far as the list of changes I want to make...
Oh my gosh, I LOVE the rain! I love it... It's not even raining hard, and I just stood outside with my head tilted toward the sky with my eyes closed... It was fantastic... It seemed to just comfort me... I got all goosebumpy, not from the cold I don't think, but just from the feeling.... I love it!
Anywho, I believe that's all for today mes bon amies, and I will probably write tomorrow!
Love you all!
Suzy